If you want to make the most out of life, to be happy and to fulfill your goals, then it is absolutely crucial to know yourself.
While most of us would probably say we have a fairly good idea of who we are, we often don’t take the time to pause and really reflect on the subject. Are your goals the same as they were when you first set yourself on your current career path? What really makes you excited? And what are your true skills?
Sometimes it can be useful to take a moment to reflect on who you are, what you want out of life and whether or not you’re currently on the right track. Let’s take a look at some ways you can do just that…
Take Some Personality Tests
Not every personality test is great but some of the more well thought out and respected ones such as the Myers’ Briggs Type Indicator can be insightful. Of course no tool like this is ever going to be perfect but even where there are mistakes, these can actually serve as a good starting point for you to engage in some self-reflection.
Stop Doing What Everybody Expects You to Do
Ask yourself honestly what you would be doing right now if you could do anything. Then imagine where you’d be in a perfect world 10 years from now. Have a look at your role models too and the people you aspire to be more like. What do they have in common?
As you do all this, try at the same time to suppress the urge to conform. Here’s the thing: for some people, their ‘calling’ will be to play Sonic the Hedgehog all day long. That’s what they really want to do and everything else leaves them cold.
But if that’s genuinely what you want to do… then do it! Sure, it might be hard to see how you could make a career out of that but actually there are ways. You could run a monetized fan site for instance, or you could try and work for SEGA. Or maybe you’d just be happier if you spent some time running through green environments?
The point is that we should not feel constrained to enjoy only the things that we are taught are worthwhile pursuits. It may well be that the thing that makes you happiest is something that no one else understands or appreciates. Once you give yourself the freedom to accept that and embrace who you are, you will find it makes you a lot happier.
Keep a Journal
Often we are so busy during our daily activities that we don’t find a moment to stop and reflect on what’s happening to us, how we feel about it, or how we should react. If you are just letting life ‘happen’ without considering your role in it all, then you can find that the part that is ‘you’ can get lost in all the commotion.
Keeping a journal is the perfect antidote to this problem and will give you a chance to reflect on the things happening around you and to see how you really feel on those matters.
Thought Experiments
Another way that you can use a pen to get to know yourself, is to try going through some thought experiments to formalize some self-reflection.
So what are some examples of thought experiments you can use? One is to ask yourself what advice you might hear from a future version of yourself. What would a wise, world weary version of yourself tell you to do? What would they tell you is important? What should you focus on?
Another popular thought experiment is to imagine that someone is writing your eulogy and they’re writing it the way you want to be remembered. What would you want to hear in that speech? How would you want your loved ones to think of you once you were gone? This can help you to better understand your own goals and priorities.
Another popular question to try answering, is: if money was not a constraint, how would you spend your time?
Here’s one more: what are the things you are most grateful for and what were the times you have been the happiest in your life?
Go Through Some Old Memories
Speaking of which, generally going through old memories can also be a good way to uncover yourself. Our memories and experiences are a large part of what forms us, so if you spend some time reliving them, this can often be a great way of rediscovering your roots.
Think of How Others See You
We feel like we know ourselves better than anyone but sometimes we can actually be the most biased observers and in many ways we might be the least reliable source on this subject! At the very least, the people around us have a different perspective on us that can be useful. So ask your friends and family to describe you – they may just have some useful insights! If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, then again you can take the thought experiment approach and try writing as though you were a friend or relative describing yourself.
Think About Your Friends
While you’re at it, spend some time thinking about those friends and generally the people you spend most time with. They say that we are the ‘average’ of the ten people we spend the most time with and so by thinking about who those people are, we might be able to triangulate a little more information about ourselves.
Spend Some Time Alone
Often you hear of people travelling the world in order to ‘discover themselves’. You don’t actually need to leave your front door to do this though; rather you just need to ensure you’re spending some time alone. This is particularly important if you’re someone who hasn’t spent much time out of a relationship. If you answer the question ‘how are you’ with ‘we’re fine’, then this may be a question that you need to spend a little time rediscovering who you are without your partner or your family.
Another point for those in relationships is to ask who you were before your current relationship, who you are now and how those changes are positive or negative.
Find Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is one part of knowing more about who you are. So take some time to sit down and to honestly assess what you excel at and what needs extra work.
Assess Your Hobbies and Priorities
Just as we might set ourselves goals and targets based on what we think others want for us, we can also do the same based on what we think we want. This may sound strange but often we find ourselves going through the motions: spending time with people or engaging in activities we don’t really enjoy anymore in order to maintain the illusion of being the ‘same person’. Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself sometimes that you’ve changed and to move on – whether that means reassessing your hobbies or your political views.
Speak Freely
Finally, try to occasionally spend some time in deep conversation with a deep friend. When we let ourselves speak openly and with prompts from someone we trust, sometimes we can find ourselves opening up about things that even we didn’t know about ourselves.
Some good ideas here.