Feeling lonely is one of the most upsetting and depressing feelings in the pantheon of human emotion, but unfortunately it’s also one of the most common feelings that we can experience. Living alone, and in a high paced world where we spend lots of our time sitting in front of a computer screen, is a sure fire way to feel alone, but actually you don’t even need to be on your own to feel lonely. Being in the wrong relationship it is said is one of the loneliest feelings we can experience and likewise if you don’t feel that you are understood by your friends and family then they can offer little solace.
So how do you go about curing that feeling of loneliness and start to feel as though you’re in it together with your friends again rather than being alone? Here we will look at some possible solutions that may just help.
Find People Like You
If the problem is that you currently feel alone within your relationships, then you need to find people who are more like you. While we are all unique there are certainly also ‘types’ of people and if you look in the right places you will often find whole communities of like-minded people. One way to do this is to follow your interests by looking online or at classes and clubs. Think about which interests really define you and then try to find people who are drawn to the same things. This way you can find someone who is more on your wavelength and who you can text when you have something on your mind.
Sometimes you just need to reach out to your friends a little more by texting and if you make it a habit to send those more mundane texts ‘there’s a program on five you might like’, ‘I just saw a squirrel fighting a pigeon!’ etc., then you’ll start to get them back and you can start to feel as though you are more connected to people all the time. You can also establish better relationships by just calling your friends up out of the blue from time to time.
Tackle Lonely Thoughts
If you were to go to a doctor or a psychologist with your loneliness issues then they may well recommend you to see a cognitive behavioural psychologist – who is someone that specializes in cognitive behavioural therapy. What these people would then focus on is changing the way you think and ironing out your negative thoughts to replace them with more positive ones. The way you might do this is to listen to your thoughts more actively and to look out for negative ruminations such as for instance ‘I’m so alone’ or ‘no one gets me’ and to replace these instead with more positive ideas such as ‘I have lots of supportive friends’ or ‘it’s nice that I have such diverse people in my life’. There is a positive spin on any negative thought, and a lot of loneliness comes from your perception.
Learn to Spend Time Alone
If you feel lonely after a night out when everyone has gone home, then it may well be that you simply struggle to spend any time on your own. The solution then is to ensure you are able to be happy in your own company. Again you can do this with CBT by switching your focus to the positives – such as the fact that you can spend the time as you like be that cuddled up with a blanket watching a film or working on a project. At the same time you should also think about ensuring you have plenty to do – so develop some hobbies and projects whether these be writing a novel or painting, or whether they’re just reading comics or exercising. Use the time to develop yourself or to pursue your interests and you will end up looking forward to when you’re next on your own.
Create More Noise and Companionship
If your home feels lonely then it might just need an injection of noise and companionship. If it’s large and empty or very cold then this can inspire lonely feelings. So instead try populating it with more objects and more ‘life’. You can do this for instance by buying plants, by putting up photos of friends and families, by using more color in your decorations, or by getting cuddly toys and arranging them in your home. At the same time you can also make your home more inviting by putting on music more regularly, turning up the heating, and making sure it’s nicely comfortable.
Of course the very best way to combat loneliness in terms of purchases or additions to your home is to get a pet, and the best kind of pet to this end is a cat or dog. If you can’t cope with such a big full time commitment though, then a hamster or mouse will be equally as effective.