Dating German Men

German men are a rare breed. They are not conditioned to flirt with women randomly and tend to be quite rigid. In most cases, they come from a rigid background in which not only have they been terrorized by other children in school but also by adults. Germans are typically perfectionists and seem to expect this from everyone they come in contact with.

Further, if you do something wrong or not by their standards they normally have no problem ridiculing you and telling you what an idiot you are. For this reason dating German men can be somewhat of a challenge for a woman who is not accustomed to the customs of German people. In reality, the above is a conception based on experience as an outsider. For Germans there is a way of life and people pretty much know what to expect. If you are an American woman who has set her sights on a German man then there are a few things you will need to know. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual and there is no sure fire way to know how each will react to different circumstances.

German Men Don’t Flirt as Much

Again, it is important to emphasize that there are probably a handful of Casanova’s in Germany that would put the most avid lady’s man to shame. However, German men are not generally known for blatantly flirting. It would be a miracle to see a woman walk down the streets of Berlin and hear a series of wolf whistles. German men are usually much more reserved and will not usually make the first move. This means that if you see a German man you want, you will probably want to consider making the first move or initiating contact. If you are going to try and bat your eyes and make flirtatious gestures in an effort to capture the attention of a German man and prompt him to ask you out, be ready for a disappointment.

A Friendly Smile Goes a Long Way

When approaching your German man be as pleasant as possible and strike up a friendly conversation. Do not be disappointed if he seems a bit aloof at first as this is very common among German men. They are definitely not known for their romanticism. Also, you may need to realize that unlike Americans, Germans do not generally like small talk. Rather than approaching a German man with chatter about the weather try educating yourself on an area you think may interest him and talk about that. Do not get the impression that just because German men do not fall all over you that they are not interested. They have been taught to have massive respect for women and will usually hold themselves back from crossing that line.

Age Makes a Difference

There is a big difference between the younger generation and the older generation of German men. Younger guys tend to be more easy going and fun loving. The appropriate term here would be less uptight. With this being said, you may find that younger German guys will be a bit more flirtatious than older ones. This is because things have changed quite a bit since the advent of internet technology that has really worked to close the gaps between people from all over the world. Young German people are required to learn English so chances are anyone you meet under the age of 30 already speaks English pretty well. This is not to say that none of the cultural ideals will have rubbed off on younger German men but for the most part they are more relaxed.

German Men Are Business Minded

If you are dating a German man and have found that he tends to put work before you don’t feel alone. This is very common as German men are typically money driven and quite serious in matters of business. A German man may come home from a long day at the office and jump right on his laptop to continue working. In one way this is a good thing as they are usually good providers for their families but in another way it brings the old adage “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” It will be up to you to try and set the mood for romance and help to pull your man away from his work.

German Men Are Often Critical

German people as a whole have been raised with very stringent rules and they are all about keeping those rules up. If there is no rule attached to something, leave it to a German man to make one up. Heaven forbid his rules are broken or that something is not done to his specifications, he will not hesitate to become critical in a moments time. This is because Germans like many other Europeans hold their children to a very high standard and do not accept less than the best from them. This tends to follow German men through life in their dealings with people. They are also very proud people and do not like to admit when they are wrong. This can cause a lot of conflict, especially for a couple involving an American woman and a German man as American women are not used to this from men.

Again, this is very general information and in no way meant to shed a negative light on German men. It is only meant to help you understand that German men are a bit different in some ways. Every culture has its own customs and if you are not familiar with them it could cause you to take things personally that you should not. You may just find a great German guy who possesses all of the qualities that you look for in a man. If you do find this guy then just know that some of the above traits are some that you may have to contend with.



22 Comments

  1. I have to say, what you wrote is on point. I am married to a German guy, and may I say I question myself as to WHY did I marry him. It isn't so much as his rules (he is the only one allowed to break them, and he is also condescending), it is the way he treats people. He talks to me as if I am a child, criticized my mom because she wants to go back to college (she is 50), and when he disciplines my son (he is not the father), he literally will either kick him or punch him. And I being an American, keep telling him that no human in their right mind would do that to a child. In my book that is not a man, but a child as well.

    Now we have a problem with the fact that my sons biological father passed away, and my husband AND his mother thinks that my husband is going to get some type of monetary compensation out of it, only my son is. Plus when asked why I won't let my husband adopt my son, I tell them that is my decision, I have to explain my answer….so I never answer them, I just say it is my decision. I am not going to stay in a relationship, where the man still lives in his parents’ house, and refuses to provide a home for his family, because he must pay his own bills, where the man beats my son like he is a punching bag, and where he treats me like I am a child.

    And as far as him criticizing the elderly in the America who wants to return to college to better themselves, and also criticizes me for wanting a degree in everything under the sun (I am a Medical Assistant by education), I tell him he has no room to talk since he doesn't have a college education. I think in all honesty, Germans really need to overcome this Holier Than Thou attitude, or MANY MANY German men will die alone. And the German women need to use their voice. They need to be heard and say enough is enough. Granted women don't want a weak man, but we also don't want controlling egotistical men either.

  2. I have met some interesting Austrians; on Facebook and they know what a woman wants they send me flowers on Facebook and chocolates, and even romantic music when I feel I need it:) my maiden name is Fasching I have a Austrian heritage but not full blown Austrian, the women are kind as well making a lot of good friends. (Austrians)

  3. I am married to a German man, and I am an American woman. I found most of the information head on in a scary way. My husband does tend to make time for romance, more than American men do. True they are workhorses and strict, but fun fathers. When we are together… he gives all his attention to his woman, cause just like the article, they don't flirt or chase much, but when they find a woman, she is his everything.

  4. Wow, am surprise to hear all these qualities and customs of dating a German guy, they really are hard to find… but one thing I might be sure of is that once I get one am sure that it belongs to me… no worries of cheating… hope am bless with one.

    me

  5. A friend have shown me this site, as a German Man of 37 years, I can agree to 80% 🙂

    There's a bit of generalization inside, sure, it must be, but I miss the note 'German Men born in the early 70's and earlier are different than those of the late 80's'.

    The Paragraph 'Age makes a different' could need a little update.

    And as always, there's not always sunshine.

  6. I learned a lot about German men…

  7. Helpful! Looking for a German husband. Thank you!

  8. Thanks for this article, it gives me a second thought about my long distant relationship to a German man. At this moment, I think I should extend my patience and understanding. I must continue our plan to get married soon.

  9. This article was very helpful. I met a German guy on a plane leaving Germany returning to the states. We are currently getting to know each and I am enjoying it so far. This article gives some insight and I am looking forward to seeing how things turn out.

  10. Absolute right

  11. My boyfriend is German and he is a dream! I agreed with most of the articles topics (rules, work and the critics) but he is really romantic, funny (!), he respects me a lot and he tries to make each moment perfect. I don't need another man in my life. I just want him. =)

  12. He is wrong… They totally flirt. Most German men in America love to make themselves available to you…

  13. I've never actually tried to find a "German" man but, almost every man I have dated has turned out to be German. It wasn't that I consciously chose them (I preferred to be their friend first. But they always pursued me afterwards.)… I am completely Latina and my mother is Mexican. I was always taught to be a strong female around men. I think that my biggest flaw was that I wasn't enough of a fun friend to my ex when we were dating… I ended up treating him in a demanding motherly way which I wasn't sure why he accepted. And I never once picked up the bill… even though he paid many times. I'm not saying that splitting the bill is wrong, it's just something I have trouble appreciating, as a woman. (Is that crazy?)

  14. This is so accurate that I feel like it is directly talking about my husband. I found this article because I was googling what the common German/Asian American household looks like. I am very unhappy with my German husband at the moment, and yes he is very much German born and raised. He definitely doesn't flirt, barely looks at a girl, not a romantic at all, sex is no thrill. We started dating after I approached him as a friend first. He is super reserved on the outside but completely opinionated and judgmental within. His political views would put all republicans to shame. He is an absolute workaholic, working 70+ hrs a week. What really strikes a chord with me is how the article stated that they come home from work just to go directly to work on their laptop. That is what my husband does as well, he goes directly into his office after asking me to make him a drink. My life is sooooo boring with him, we never go on vacation. If we do he would be working 70% of the time. I use to think money and success is everything that is why I married him, and now I am just begging him to stop working and just spend some time with me. He is a great provider financially but not a great provider of love and affection. We fought many times because I thought he didn't love me but after reading this article, I realized it is just because he's German. So now what can I do?

  15. Very good description!

  16. I've lived in Germany, yes German men are perfectionists. Yes they are abrupt. Now that I am divorced I'd like to meet a German man because I respect their intelligence. In fact I like everything about Germany.

  17. Germans culture and biology is not be disrespected as every culture is of their own and within it are subculture. That's why we stay within own, not to mix with others for failure of history and cultural knowledge kept within one’s own culture. There are secrets within and outsiders will never understand.

    Asians should not be mixing with white(s), they need to understand their biology and genetic makeup before enter another….. Germans pure…..

  18. @Miss B

    Your husband is abusive and narrow-minded. You need to get out of this toxic relationship, before something irreparable happens to you or your boy. German men are not like that, let me tell you. The article has many good points, but your husban

  19. HI, thanks for the information. Learned lots from it. More power.

  20. I met a German man here in the US. He is my neighbour. This article is very true; it took him two months to finally make a move. He is very loving, respectful, caring, protective, he is ready to fight for me. I love that. He is very clean, looks like a Greek god (seriously), and just sings to me all the time. There are bad of course, he is very lost and very harsh and critical on mistakes. He can be very extremely hardcore harsh towards himself for mistakes that are not so uncommon now a days. He seems to be very lost and only until we started dating has he started to look and feel happy since the time I've known him. I'd say this is the healthiest relationship I have had ever. Happy to have him in my life.

  21. Interesting and informative!

  22. There are women in this world who protect their children, and there are women who do not. You, obviously, are one of those who do not.

    An old saying from my childhood is, “If you are going to give it, you better be able to take it.” People who like to criticize, and that includes German men and women, don’t like to take it.

    PS The law in the US is that a parent, be they the father or mother, is not supposed to let their spouse abuse the children.

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