At some point we’ve all been in love someone that we shouldn’t be. Perhaps it’s an ex-partner, maybe it’s our boss, perhaps it’s a cousin (hey, I don’t judge), maybe it’s your girlfriend’s sister, maybe it’s your mate’s girlfriend… there are actually a whole plethora of people who are just off limits.
In most cases it’s necessary to come to terms simply with the fact that we are never going to have those people. Your best friend’s wife is probably never going to go out with you, and if she did then it would only ruin your friendship anyway. Sure, you could always secretly hope that your friend gets hit by a bus, but then that’s not really great for friendships either…
As such, it’s usually wise to simply try and bury those feelings and stop loving that person. It might be painful to let go, but it is only going to be more painful to continue pining and it could potentially also be destructive for your other relationships (and your health if your mate finds out…).
So, is it possible to stop loving someone? And how do you go about achieving this seemingly impossible feat? Read on to get your sanity back…
The first and most important way to stop loving someone is to get some time away from them. If you are trying to get over someone, and you find yourself constantly bumping into them or receiving messages from them, then it’s going to make things much more difficult. Consider going on a long holiday, moving away, or staying with friends for a while. Now keep yourself busy doing other things, and you’ll find that your time away from the object of your affections helps you to forget about them to a degree so that you can stop obsessing. If you’ve come out of a relationship, then it’s even more important that you take some time apart and stay out of contact with your ex to allow yourself to heal.
Find a New Person to Fancy
Another way to stop obsessing over someone is simply to transfer those feelings over to someone else. Find a new person to adore and fixate on them for a while to allow your initial love to pale in comparison a little.
Most of us know at least a few people that we could fancy, so just try to turn your attention to one of the less socially unacceptable ones in order to give yourself a break. You can even try looking at celebrities and picking a favourite to pine after for a while.
If you can find yourself in a new relationship then great – this is undoubtedly the best way to get over someone. If you can’t though, or if you’re just not ready yet, then it’s still useful to find someone else to pursue in your mind. We all need some interest, and we all need someone to gaze at, so just find someone new to look at for a while so that you can direct some of that energy elsewhere.
Take Off Those Glasses
It’s the rose coloured ones I’m talking about. If you’ve been infatuated with one person for some time, then chances are that you won’t have realistic views of them, and that you’ll probably see them as some kind of perfect angel/superman that can do no wrong. Obviously this isn’t healthy, and it’s not helpful when you’re trying to forget them.
Think realistically then about the challenges that you would actually face if you ever dated. Perhaps they’d annoy you with their tendency to nag, perhaps the long distance would be an issue, or maybe you can’t abide their family? Even our best friends wouldn’t necessarily make great partners, so just try to view the situation a bit more realistically and you can find it helps.
Note that what I’m not telling you to do is list every possible flaw and everything you don’t like about the person. That’s advice that you’ll read often, but it’s not very nice and not particularly healthy. If you still need to see this person then you don’t want to end up resenting them, and it’s painful to go from loving someone to detesting them. Be realistic, not cruel.